Bold Purpose: From Pain To Purpose - Darren Bennet

Darren Bennet traces how loss, betrayal, and burnout became a path toward purpose and a renewed call to serve first responders. We share raw moments, therapy tools, and faith practices that helped us get back up and keep moving forward when staying down felt easier.

• losing a brother in the line of duty and finding purpose in service
• life as a marathon with pit stops to prevent pitfalls
• falling forward versus staying down after setbacks
• therapy, EAP support, and reframing pain
• joy as ballast that prevents capsizing
• identity beyond badge and role for first responders
• moving forward with meaning
• turning grief into gratitude without denying loss
• faith, scripture, and the belief that God never wastes pain

Transcript

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Introduction And Calling To Chaplaincy

SPEAKER_07 0:00

All right. Well, welcome. Good afternoon. I have the awesome task and privilege to be able to present to you all after lunch, which means uh you're all tired if you're anything like me, because that's what happens when we have a big meal, especially a buffet. Uh, and so hopefully I can captivate your attention and keep you awake. Uh, my name is Darren Bennett. I am uh one of the chaplains at the Broward Sheriff's Office. I've been serving going on my fifth year. Uh, we have the privilege to serve upwards of 6,000 individuals at BSO. Uh many of our first responders, I serve all three first responder disciplines, which is uh the Department of Detention, Fire Service, and Department of Law Enforcement, as well as regional communications and all of the support staff. I serve all of them. Uh, and it is a blessing to do that. They say if you love your job, you'll never work a day in your life. And I absolutely love what I do, but there is a strange story as to why I do what I do, and you're gonna hear that in a few moments. Um, I'll spare you all my other accolades. One other thing I think is noteworthy to uh just point out is that I used to be a deputy for 10 years as well, uh, from 2003 to 2013. And then by the grace of God, I was able to move into pastoral ministry, planted a church, pastored for five years, and then took on the mantle of being a chaplain. And so that's how I landed myself here. Uh, if you would do me a favor and draw your attention to the screen, and we'll give you a video intro and then move into our time together. When tragedy hit, I had no clue how God was gonna turn my pain into purpose. As a matter of fact, I didn't give it any thought. I just knew I felt pain and I couldn't find purpose. And then I began to pray, God, what would you want to do with me? How are you gonna turn this around? How are you gonna make this make sense? I lost my brother, my best friend. There's a gaping call in my heart. What are you gonna do with this to make this right? What are you gonna do with me? How can I serve? How can I help somebody with the pain that I feel navigate the pain that they feel? And then one fateful day, August 28th, it happened.

Pain To Purpose: Losing A Brother

SPEAKER_07 2:30

We lost a hero, and I found purpose. This particular situation is also personal for me. November will make two years that I stood right here on this very platform, on this very stage, behind this very mic, to pay homage to my brother who gave his life at the Brower Sheriff Office in the line of duty, along with nine other individuals. And I shared this with the family, but I'm gonna reiterate it and I want to share this publicly. I did not know at that time when I lost my brother tragically, how God would make the ashes turn to beauty, how he would turn pain into purpose, how he would bring tragedy to triumph. Well, you're staring at it. I am a living witness that God can heal hearts and God could take your pain and turn it into purpose. I knew this day would come. I remember talking to the sheriff and his staff about coming on to be a soul back home to serve the staff. And I knew at some point I would have to look eye to eye with a family and tell them I know exactly what you're feeling, and I know exactly step by step what you're going to walk through because I've been there. I can truly empathize with what you're feeling. But as I share with you personally, family, and I share publicly, you are my purpose. The pain that I felt, the grief, the agony that I stored up inside, I now have purpose. And so if there's anyone in here that doubts that God cannot turn pain to purpose, you're staring at purpose. You're watching purpose play out on full display, and that is miraculous, but that is our God, and that is what he does.

SPEAKER_06 4:48

I was born by the river in a little tent, but oh, like that river I've been running

The Marathon Mindset And Falling Forward

SPEAKER_06 5:00

ever since.

SPEAKER_07 5:03

So now that I've got your undivided attention, the question I would ask is, have you been running? The song says I was born by a river, and ever since that river's been running, I feel like I've been running with the river. And all of us, if you're anything like me, you lay down at night but your mind doesn't stop. You continue to run as fast as you can because you gotta get stuff done. You burn the candle at both ends, you know, you put on a uniform and you do what you have to do because you're called to do it. You're mobilized, you're dispatched, you're a hero, and so God forbid you stop. You run. We all do, I get it. The truth of the matter is, and if you uh heard Jeremy in the first session, he said it best, and he said it from scripture. It's true. This is a race. But on this race of life, what we have to realize is that it is a marathon and not a sprint. You see, if you're familiar with marathons, marathons, perhaps maybe like the Daytona 500, or you watch runners run with marathons, you have to take pit stops in order to avoid pitfalls. Because the truth is, at some point, at some juncture of life, we all will fall. The Bible says the just man falls seven times, but each time he gets back up, but we do fall. We've all fallen flat on our face. The question that I want to ask today, and I'm gonna form it in a premise for us, because I can tend to talk fast. I'm a fast-talking guy, so I want to make sure that you get everything I say over the next 45 minutes. And so here it is. I'm gonna box it up and I'm gonna put it on your lap. Here's the the apex, the theses that I want to just dig into and press on. If you are going to live a bold life or bold like a lion, are you willing to make a decision to fall forward? Let me say that again. If you're gonna live bold, audacious, stand on the faith, stand ten toes down for God, and yet be hit on every side because that's what happens. The truth of the matter is we get hit with darts. Are you willing to make the choice to fall forward? And what does that mean? That phrase fall forward. Well, that's where we're gonna press on over the next several moments. We're gonna talk about what it looks like to fall forward. And I'll just be honest with you, I'll be candid with you. I don't have a PowerPoint, but I'm gonna point you to the power source. I I don't have any statistic data or information, but I do want to leave here imparting inspiration. It's been said this way life is like a playlist. There's a song for every situation. And so we're gonna take a journey through my testimony, and we're gonna resonate together because all of us have gone through some type of pain. And as we take this journey, I'm going to use the mode of music to stop us, pause us, park, put a kickstand down, and glean insights. Now, I will say disclaimer: the songs that I'm gonna play, they're not gospel or Christian songs. Don't judge me. But if you know the songs, there are prizes and giveaways. Now, you're probably thinking, okay, it's a trap. He's gonna make me say the song, and then it's gonna reveal that I know the song, but reality is we all haven't been saved since we've been saved in here. Let's just be honest. Uh, and so I'm gonna use the mode of music to take you on this journey. Um, but before I start the journey, I I would say this. My plan is to move all of you all from the friend zone to the family zone. When we leave here today, we're family. Because I'm gonna open up my heart and I'm gonna share with you some deep, meaningful, and vulnerable moments of my life. But I pray that what I've gone through, you'll be able to resonate with and find the healing that you need. That's the prayer. I wish that when I played that video and you saw the testimony of 2020, my brother, my best friend, he passed away and and I found purpose in that. I wish I could tell you that everything was a okay, and and that was the end of the story. And I drifted off into the sunsets. It was like unicorn, rainbow, butterflies, grasshoppers, and I had a maiden of shade sipping on Chick-fil-A lemonade. And we all know that Chick-fil-A lemonade is from heaven. The angels yield the ground and they harvest the lemons, and of course, you know, but it wasn't. Things actually got worse, and sometimes it has to get worse before it gets better. And so, allow me to uh play the first of a few songs. Again, we'll use as our points of emphasis. And again, if you're able to tell me who wrote this song that I'm gonna play for you, I will give you a free book. I had the privilege to author two books, one being I'm my brother's keeper. It was a book that commemorated my brother who passed away in a line of duty, and then this one is basically based on the teaching that you're getting today, but a little bit more in depth. Um, so love to give these books away to you. All you've got to do is raise your hand. Now, don't just raise your hand, do something unique while you raise your hand because anybody could just raise their hand, but I need you to get my attention. And so maybe you do a little dance or a shimmy or something. Keep it holy, but nevertheless, get my attention. So here's the first song. Let's see if you know it.

Everybody Hurts: Universal Pain And Sublimation

SPEAKER_07 11:14

If you know the title of this song, raise your hand for one free book. Who's got it? Anyone? Oh, she stood up with it. Okay, go ahead. Everybody, that's right, give her a hand, everybody hurts. And if you're from my neighborhood, you'd say everybody hurts. Everybody, everybody, everybody. Listen, I played that song because I believe we can all resonate. Whether that is your favorite genre of music or not, I think you can all raise your hand and say, at some point, some juncture of your life, at some season, you experience hurt. You've been hurt. Or maybe you've hurt someone, but we've all experienced some type of pain. Uh, I want to illustrate it this way. You may remember the fighter Mike Tyson. Mike Tyson was one of the greatest of all times in his time, uh, the 80s, the 90s, and early 2000s. He was a feared fighter. And he was being interviewed by uh late rapper Eminem, not late rapper, but contemporary rapper Eminem. Uh, and Eminem was asking him on this podcast, Mike, let me ask you, what is it that's going through your brain as you're making your way to the ring? Now, let me bring you back. If you've ever watched Mike Tyson fight, you would know that as Mike Tyson is making his way to the ring, he is already defeating his opponent before he gets in the ring with his opponent. Because Mike Tyson has this stoic look on his face, this fierce look on his face, and then he gets in the ring and he stares his opponent down, and this there's fear being stricken into the heart and the soul of his opponent. And so Eminem wants to know like what's going on inside your head? Like, what is that look all about, Mike? And Mike Tyson shocked everyone, including myself. He said, Well, what's happening in my head is I'm afraid. Really, Mike? Who would have thought? Iron Mike Tyson, Mr. First Round Knockout King, one of the most feared and revered of his time. And he says, I'm afraid. And then he presses on that and he goes deeper. He says, I was hurt when I was a kid. I went through a lot of pain when I was a kid. I experienced a lot of trauma when I was a kid. And so he says, I was I'm afraid when I get in the ring. I'm afraid that I'm gonna get either get hurt or hurt someone really, really, really bad. So this kid who's a teen, who's in the streets, who's fighting in the streets and getting arrested, and he's a juvenile, and he's essentially getting ready to find himself in the school to prison pipeline, filling up another jail cell, is found by a man named Customato. And Customato tells Mike Tyson, you don't have to go to jail for fighting anymore. You can actually become someone for fighting. You can make money for fighting, you could be the champion of the world for fighting. Do you know what Customato did? He did what psychologists call, and this is a term, sublimation. Now, I am not a clinician, I'm not a therapist, but I've been through therapy long enough to know that it's an actual thing. So I'm gonna take you through a therapy session right now. You can guys go ahead and cash out me your copay. Um just joking, just joking. We do have a therapist here, and she's a real one, and so she can vouch for it. So sublimation is taking things that were difficult, hard, harmful, hurtful, and converging that into, filtering that into, funneling that toward something positive. It's the rerouting of energy, it's the rerouting of your pain. It's literally taking pain and turning it into purpose. It's it's making a decision to turn grief into gratitude. We'll talk about that. It's making a decision to turn your trials and tests into triumph. It's going from heartbreak to healing, it's shifting that which keeps you up at night. Think about the most traumatic situation or circumstance you've been through. And perhaps you haven't gotten therapy for that. First and foremost, I say, go get therapy, but allow that circumstance and that situation to be that which fuels you for purpose. Because one thing I can tell you, as long as I've been living on this earth for 43 years, God never wastes pain. It's a cliche verse, and you probably shouldn't say it in the midst of someone's tragedy, but all things do work together for the good, and I've lived long enough to look back at my life and see the trauma that I've been through and see the pain that I've been through and see the suffering and the sorrow that I've been through, and to know that God didn't waste it. I wouldn't be standing here right now if he did. I'm a living witness of what pain and the purpose actually means. All right, now come on back, take a deep breath. That's stop number one. Stop number two. I'm gonna play another song. We're gonna talk about this idea of falling forward, but for another opportunity to win a prize. So if you could tell me the rapper who wrote this song, very familiar song. Some of you may know it, some may not.

SPEAKER_03 17:08

Somebody on the pick is scissor. Mm-hmm.

SPEAKER_07 17:17

All right, for a free book. We got one guy back there. He did a little shimmy shammy, but we got another one right here. Oh, hey, he did right there. Okay. What do we got?

unknown 17:26

Through the fire.

SPEAKER_07 17:27

Bye. There it is, through the fire.

Through The Wire: Acting Despite Setbacks

SPEAKER_07 17:30

He was gonna buy the book, and I told him, wait, wait, wait, you might get a giveaway. And it did. It happened for him. I'm a prophet. No. Anyway, through the wire, through the wire by Kanye West. Now, let me first and foremost go out on a limb and say this very, very quickly before we go further. Uh, my playing of the song by Kanye West is by no means an endorsement of the behavior of Kanye West. Old Kanye from 2003, which was my time, uh, is a lot different from old uh from the Kanye of 2023, 24, 25. Just different behavior. Um, but what I will say is when Kanye was preparing to release his inaugural, his first album, he had a mission. He had a motive. The motive was he wanted to move from producer, so one who makes music, to artist, one who actually sings and raps. And he wanted to prove to the world that he is just more than a music maker. I can rap, I have lyrical prowess. And so he begins to work on this album, and tragedy strikes. The story would have it as Kanye is out in California before the release of his album, before he's able to finish his album, he gets into a very, very harsh car accident, and the doctors would have to wire his jaw shut. So the very instrument, the very method, the very mode that Kanye would use to prove to the world that he can stand up with the best of them, he can rap with the rest of them, well, that's been shut down. Or was it?

SPEAKER_05 19:05

Well, what you just heard is someone that's somewhat mumbling, saying, I drank a bruise for breakfast and insha for dessert, somebody ordered pancakes, I just sipped the scissor. That right there can drive a sane man, not to worry, Mr. H to the Isles back to Wizard. That means work. But what I just did was what Kanye decided to do.

SPEAKER_07 19:30

He rapped through the wire. Hence the song through the wire. And everyone resonated. He's he stole the heart of America, he stole the heart of the world because they felt the pain. Couldn't you feel it? You can hear it. He is literally choosing to fall forward because when Kanye got his jaw wired shut, he could have sat on the stupor of sorrow and soaked and said, Well, I'll finish it tomorrow. But he said, No, no, no, no, no, no. I still have today, and so I'm gonna see. Today, while today is still today, and I'm just gonna spit it through the wire. That means he made a decision to fall forward, not backwards. Falling backwards is saying, I'm gonna stay down and I'm gonna be sad and feel sorry for myself because I've got an excuse now. But falling forward says, I'm gonna use the pain that I've experienced and I'm gonna turn it into purpose. I'm gonna use the pain to fan a flame in my heart, and that flame is gonna fuel me and project me and propel me toward purpose. About a year or so ago, I illustrated falling forward. Like I legit was in front of a bunch of individuals such as yourself. Um, you all are a lot more handsome than the other crowd that I was in front of when I did this. Um and I I actually realized that I'm too old to be illustrating falling forward. Um, at the age of 43, I've come to realize that when I wake up in the morning, I find more muscles that I didn't know I had because they hurt really, really bad because I injured myself in my sleep. That's just what happens when you get old. So I did the illustration and I was I was limping for three days because my back never recovered. And I'm still going to the chiropractor to this very day, uh, but I'm choosing to fall forward. It's not gonna hold me down. I'm here now because anyway, that's a whole other story. But what I'm saying is this when we choose to fall forward, we're making a decision not to stay down, but to get back up. We're making a choice not to stay down, but to get back up. Let me move you guys from the friend zone to the family zone. Here it goes. I'm gonna get very, very personal. I shared earlier that uh I wish I could say that everything was unicorn, rainbows, butterflies, grasshoppers sitting in the shade, sipping Chick-fil-A lemonade after everything happened with my brother, and I found purpose because I got hired with BSO and it didn't end that way. No, I I thought that 2020 was the worst year of my life, but then 2023 rolled around and jabbed at me a little bit, and then 2024 came and hit me with a haymaker and knocked me in 2020 out. I fell flat on my face, but I had to make a choice to get back up. But what happened? Let me give you some details. So I lose my brother Shannon in 2020. He's my best friend, he's like my twin. He worked for the Brow Sheriff's Office 12 years, community police officer. He wasn't supposed to die, but he dies of the line of duty of COVID-19. Young 38-year-old guy in shape, should have made it through it, but he didn't. And so I end up making my way to the sheriff's office, getting a job that I wish I didn't have to work, but it's God's purpose. So I meet the sheriff and he says to me, Hey, I want you to come back to the sheriff's office and work as a chaplain because you possess something that many chaplains don't possess, and it's empty. You can actually sit with the family, God forbid, if they go through an end of line of duty death and sit knee-to-knee, elbow to elbow, eye to eye with them and say, Hey, I get what you're going through because I've been through it. And I had that opportunity to sit with Teresa and Jackson's family in 2023 who lost their hero in the line of duty. Again, conversation that I wish I didn't have to have with them, but it helped me understand my purpose. But things got worse. So 2023 and 2024, I experienced several heart-wrenching betrayals. As a pastor, you raise people up, you you share with them, and you pour your heart into them. And Jesus had one Judas, I had about six of them. Emotional betrayals ended up going through a divorce. 2024, I'm experiencing darkness, depression, to the point where I made a decision I had to step away from the very church that I was able to plant and love in a thriving city that was up and thriving and growing and going and on mission. And I stepped away in good standing, but no doubt I had to let it go because there was so much weight just holding me down. And to add to that, my entire family, the family that I grew up having dinner with on 49 Travis Avenue, Stanford, Connecticut. The family that we called ourselves Bennett Party of Six. And at the dinner table, you saw my father on one end of the table, the head, and John on the other side of the table. You would

Personal Collapse And Choosing Therapy

SPEAKER_07 24:30

see Shannon across from me, immediately across from me. And then to his right, you would see Donnie, my other brother, and then right across from Donnie would be my mom, across from him, and she'd be to my left. And so this beautiful blended family, this biracial family. And in 2024, I look up and I realize that every person that was at that dinner table has since gone on to heaven. At 43 years old, I would say I'm the last of a dying breed. I don't have the luxury of moments of nostalgia to reach back to my family of origin and call my siblings and say, Hey, do you remember when I can't call my mom and my father and say, hey, let me ask you a few questions because I just live. And I felt alone. So it got to a point where I was sitting in my gazebo in my home outside in the backyard, and I started to pray the Elijah prayer, God kill me, or I'm gonna kill myself. And it got to the point where God wouldn't kill me, and so I decided to step outside of the gazebo, and I looked up at a pull-up bar that was outside the gazebo, and on the pull-up bar was a flex band, and on that flex band, I I pulled it down and I noosed it, and I put it back up, and I stepped back and I measured it, and I realized okay, I'm too tall to take myself out this way. If I if I'm gonna do it, I gotta sit down and I just gotta suffocate myself. But I'm a punk, I'm not gonna do that. I'll find it another way. But I fell forward, I decided to get therapy instead. I went to my EAP director, Maria Brooks, and I confessed exactly what was going on with me. After a year and a half of therapy, I went from weekly to bi-weekly, I graduated to monthly, and I got into a community of individuals. I opened up and people were walking with me through the healing process, but I had to make a decision. I could either stay down, take myself out, and give up, or I can realize that God never wastes pain. And I actually believe what I preach. So here's what I did. Instead of actually magnifying all of my problems, I magnified the God that can change my problems. Let me say that again. When you're down and you're depressed and you're under duress and much stress, you tend to bend toward, because we're human, magnifying the problems. I got this going on, this sucks, that hurts. Oh my gosh, they betrayed me. I can't believe this happened. And so you magnify all your problems and you've got to flip that around. You got to reframe it. Instead of magnifying your problems, you magnify the God who can change all of your problems. And so I put God back in his proper perspective, and he helped me to realize that there's pain or there's purpose from pain. And so I write a book. And I pray that the book helps others get back up when they fall. 1 Corinthians, 2 Corinthians, chapter number 1, verse 3 to 7. The God of comfort who comforts us in our time of need, then in turn uses us to comfort others with the same comfort we've been given. That's called the domino effect. That's called paying it forward, or someone could say falling forward. Because when you fall forward, you impact someone in front of you, and then they impact someone in front of you. So the very pain that I've experienced, I've been able to use to help someone else. I was having a conversation with a young man outside at the table, and he said, Man, you know, I've been watching you over the last few years, and I know that you've been going through it, but this joy that you have, it doesn't seem like you've been going through it. And I said, No, no, no. Let me let me help you understand. Um, it's not that I haven't been going through it. The reality is the joy that I have is like the ballast of my ship. The ship could actually be tossed to and fro, and you see the ship being rocked and tossed and the waves hitting it. But here's what happens: joy prevents the ship from capsizing. So there's nothing wrong with crying, there's nothing wrong with grieving, there's nothing wrong with falling down every once in a while. That's the ship being rocked and tossed. But what's gonna happen is joy will prevent that ship from being capsized. And the joy that you have is the joy of the Lord because that's your strength. And that's what it looks like to get back up. Anyone like Rocky? Remember Rocky back in the day? Rocky had a trainer called Mickey. Get up, Rock. Get in the corner, Rock. You remember Mickey. Well, Mickey once told Rocky when he was in this moment of training, he said, Listen, there's gonna be a time where you do get knocked back down. And life is gonna get hard. He's like, but I want you to hear me in your ear. Every time you hit that canvas, and I want you to hear me saying, Get up, you son of a I'm not gonna say it, but you can fill in the blank. Because Mickey loves you. Get up, Rock. Because Mickey loves you. Well, let me say it this way to this audience since we're now family, whatever you're going through or have been through, get up because Jesus loves you. No greater love than that of the one who would lay down his life for his child. If you're a child of God, he's not done with you. Philippians 1.6. The word continues. 1 Corinthians 2 9. Eyes have not seen, ears have not heard, and it's not entered into the hearts of men, the things that God has prepared for you. Ephesians 3 20. Now unto him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that you can ask, think, or imagine. God never wastes pain. Get up. Don't give up. Because you're loved. Come back, take a deep breath. Let's take another pit stop. The next stop on our journey takes us to another song. This song is another familiar song, and if you know it, you get a book.

Joy As Ballast And Faith Anchors

SPEAKER_07 33:16

Yes, it is! Give it up! It's the verr. For a bonus, do you know the lead singer's name? Richard Ashcroft. Richard Ashcroft. Okay, so that song resonates with me. Um, we did move into the family zone, correct? All right, so I'm gonna get more vulnerable. I was listening to this particular song. The first time I heard it uh was before my full regeneration in Christ. I was living with my brother, who is now since deceased, Shannon. Uh, I was on a spare bedroom floor, and he had a computer in that room, and I was just kind of going through my mode of music therapy. Um, music has always been helpful for me. It's the only thing that's not betrayed me. Um, it's the thing that's trustworthy, and it's the one thing that helped me get my dad's attention because he was actually a musician, and the only way I can get his attention was to actually become good at music, which is why I can sing. And so I'm listening to music as I'm going through a dark season, and I was inebriated, I was drunk. Uh, and so I'm on this YouTube rabbit trail, and here comes the verve. And I see Richard Ashcroft standing in front of thousands upon thousands of individuals, and the symphony comes on, the violins start to strike, the lights are flashing, and Richard's just standing

Bittersweet Symphony: Identity And Belonging

SPEAKER_07 34:30

like this giant of an individual, this musical genius, and he bends down to level himself with the crowd, and he does something that struck me, it captivated me, even in my moment of being inebriated. I sobered up in that moment. He took the microphone and put it on his chest. The artistic genius of that moment and that move let everyone know that though this is a beautiful instrumental that is well known, what's getting ready to come out of my mouth next is pouring straight from my heart. So he grabbed everyone's attention and he began to say, It's a bittersweet symphony, that's life. Trying to make ends meet, you're a slave to money, and then you die. And then he goes on to say, No change, I can't change, I can't change because I'm here in my mode. Yes, I'm here in my mode. I'm just a million different people from one day to the next. I can't change. And I resonated with that because in the time period I was on child support trying to work overtime as a deputy sheriff to make ends meet, and all I could do was just pay the child support. By the time I got money back in my account, it was gone. I felt like I was a slave to money. I was on this hamster wheel, nothing's working out for me, just living bittersweet. And then the other part, I'm a million different people from one day to the next. That was me. I perfected being a chameleon because I wanted acceptance. Well, how did that happen? Well, because of my childhood, being a biracial kid, having a black father and an Italian mother, I was Blaitayan. You see what I did there. Uh, and so I was never black enough for the blacks, so I couldn't quite fit in. I was never white enough for the whites, I didn't quite fit in. And though the Hispanics took me in because I looked Hispanic, they realized I couldn't speak Spanish, they kicked me out too. It actually happened at lunch. I was at lunch, and the lady she said something to me in Spanish, and all I could do is say, Como? And then she started going further, and she realized I couldn't speak Spanish, so she looked utterly disgusted with me. I just want a salad, ma'am. But that's another story for another time. I'm still going through therapy. What am I saying? It wasn't until I came to understand my full identity in Christ that I didn't have to worry about being a chameleon anymore. I didn't have to worry about showing up as a million different people. I didn't have to worry about being a people pleaser. I could just simply show up as me and be okay with being me. And let me just pause and parenthetically say this. Let me put a kickstand and let me park here and say this. How you show up when you show up, show up being nothing but the authentic you. And don't apologize for being you. Know that your identity is not in a badge, it's not with a uniform, it's not by what you do. No, you're a human being, not a human doing. So who you are is more important than what you do. Yes, you get paid for what you do, and we're grateful for what you do. Gosh, we love our first responders. We're blessed by our first responders, but they cannot pay you enough for who you are. And who you are is a blood-bought, regenerated child of God, redeemed by his grace and his mercy, and put on a path toward purpose, knowing that God doesn't waste pain, and he's gonna use you and your pain and all the disdain of your life to reach someone else and teach them that if you can fall forward, they can fall forward too. That's life. And so he takes the tension and the dissonance of you trying to fit in and you trying to figure out your identity, and he takes the tension and the dissonance of your trials and tribulations, and guess what he does? He creates a sound. You guys saw Praise and Worship this morning. Sarah had this guitar and it was beautifully strummed. You see, a guitar, if it's tuned too much by an unskilled musician because they don't know what they're doing, they're just tuning in, tuning in, tuning it, and tuning it, what do you think is gonna happen? The strings will do what? They'll break. And it'll render that guitar inoperable. And then if an unskilled musician who doesn't know what they're doing, they don't tune it enough, so the strings aren't tight enough, there's not enough tension, what do you think is gonna happen? It's not gonna make a sound at all. You can't use the guitar. But when you put the strings in the hand of a skilled musician, they tune it just enough to create just enough attention that it might make a beautiful sound, a sweet symphony. And in the same way, watch this. When you take your life into your own hands and try to create your own identity, you might either break yourself or not give yourself enough tension because you're just nursing yourself and you're just isolated and you're just afraid of everyone around you, and so you can't be used. But when you placed your life in the hands of the skilled maker, God, the one who created you, the craftsman, and he puts just enough tension on your life, so he uses the challenges and The trials, the tribulations, the difficulties, the depression, the darkness, he uses that for your good and his glory. And guess what? Out of that comes a story. Out of that comes your testimony. So when you make a sound and everyone hears that sound, guess what? It points back to the one who actually gave you just enough tension to make that sound, and his name is Jesus. And so we thank God for the tension. It's like being in the gym when you work out, no pain, no gain. You put tension on your muscles to break it down only to build it up. And in the same way, God will break you down just to rebuild you. So don't push back on the season of reckoning and breaking, but embrace it, lean into it because God is going to use that for your good and his glory. Come on back. Take a deep breath. One last stop on our marathon. You guys are right, you still with me? One more song,

Tension, Craft, And Testimony

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one more giveaway.

SPEAKER_06 41:53

Gonna find me the place in the sun.

SPEAKER_07 42:00

So who knows who wrote that song? Anyone? Anyone? I'll give you a hint. He was blind. Stevie Wonder, you got it, you got it, you got it. All right, for a bonus. When did Stevie Wonder get his sight back? He never did. He never did. He never got his sight back. He never didn't. Exactly. But he's gonna find him a place in the sun, in his in his mind. He finds his place. And so this song, moving on, it helps me to think about this idea. And I'm gonna get a little philosophic, but stay with me. I promise it'll make sense. This thought of moving on versus moving forward. As you begin to think about your trauma, you think about your losses, you think about the pains that you've experienced, you think about the people that have hurt you, the betrayals, if you would. There are people, places, thoughts, and things that you me, us, we have to unhinge, uproot, and untether ourselves from, and simply move on. And that's okay. Because everyone is not going to be able to go where God is taking you as you continue to fall forward. If you're carrying extra weight, Hebrews 12, 1, lay aside every weight that would beset you. If you're carrying extra weight into the season that God is trying to take you to, then you're gonna be stifled and you're gonna be stagnant. Unhinge yourself, untether yourself from that dead weight because anything that's dead cannot coexist with life. The two can't work tantamount to one another. It's a dichotomy. So get rid of the dead weight because it's not helpful. As a matter of fact, it's helpful. Move on from the things that are helpful and embrace the people, places, thoughts, and ideas that are helpful. How does that look practically in your environment? You see, in the law enforcement community, the first responders community, there's this ideology called groupthink, and sometimes you get caught up in the cynicism group and you start accumulating anxiety and you start becoming more negative. The joy that you once had is being drained out of you, and you don't know why. Well, could I just lovingly say check the company that you keep? If you hang around nine onions, or if you hang around nine broke folk, you're bound to be the tenth one. If you hang around onions, you're bound to start smelling like onions. And so you need to check the company you keep. The Bible says bad company corrupts good morals. And so who do you need to move on from? But then who do you need to move forward with? So you think about all the loss that you had, the loved ones that have gone on, my brothers, my mom, my dad, individuals who poured into my life. I move forward with them by keeping their memory alive in my heart. I move forward with them by writing books that commemorate

Moving On Versus Moving Forward

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their thumbprint in my life. I move forward with them by giving God all the glory, even in the midst of all the pain that I've been through. Turning grief into gratitude is not saying, God, I thank you that you took my entire dinner table. No, that's not what it means. Grief is, God, I thank you that even though you allowed my entire dinner table to be deceased, you allowed me to turn that pain into purpose. God, I thank you that I was able to now look back and see what you were doing in the midst of it. While I was in it, I couldn't see because it was myopic. My head was pressed against it. But I was able to look back like Joseph and say, you know what? What you meant for evil, God meant for good. And so in the midnight hour, God is gonna turn everything around and joy will come in the morning. But here's what I would say: you don't even have to wait for the morning time. You can dance in what they call the midnight sun and give God the victory because the victory is already one, because everything hinges on the fact that Jesus Christ was literally born of a virgin, walked the earth in perfection, so you and I would not have to. He goes to the cross so that you and I wouldn't have to. He takes on all of our sins and he literally dies and he's buried, but yet he kicks Satan in his teeth on the way out of the grave and he promises to make right all that is wrong. He ascends to his rightful place and says, I'm gonna come back and I'm gonna restore this world. And that's the hope that we have, and that's the greatest message that we could share. And that's why we can turn pain into purpose because God never wastes pain, and Jesus Christ is providential and he's sovereign in everything he does, he's strategic in everything he does. So let me make it make sense and I'm done. I'm gonna take my seat and we can get on. If you ever thought about how a cake is made, every ingredient in the cake individually does not taste good or is not pleasant by itself. Think about the flour. Try eating flour by itself. Can't do it, shouldn't do it. Wouldn't recommend it. Try eating eggs by itself, unless you're Rocky Bob Boy, shouldn't do it, probably make you sick. Eating sugar by itself, though it might be delightful for a moment, it will make you sick and you could probably die of diabetes. Um, so so but yet take all of those ingredients, pour it together, and stir it up and put it in the oven where it could be refined and burnt by fire. It comes out as a cake, and in the same way, every situation in our life, good, bad, delightful, depressing, indifferent, ugly, however you want to splice it, you mix it together in the hands of God, and he puts you in the oven and he tries you by fire, and when you come out, you come out as pure gold, and that's how God refines you through the pain. And so, the same way I opened up, the same way, I'll close with a question. If you're going to live a life that's bold as a lion, are you willing to make a decision to fall forward? Or are you gonna stay down and sob in sorrow? Only you can answer that question. And my prayer is that each one of you leave here today, in spite of what you've been through, are going through, or will go through, you choose to fall for it. Amen. Let me pray. Father, it's in your most precious, mighty, and master's name, we thank you so much for these amazing individuals on the listening sound of my voice. And if there's anyone here right now that's going through it or has been through it, God, you divinely appointed them to be here today to hear this message, that they would in turn be encouraged, that they would come to know that 2 Corinthians chapter 1, 3 to 7 is very real. That you are the God of comfort and you comfort us. And with that same comfort, we can comfort others. And I pray that they would leave here inspired to go out and make a change in their disposition, change the framework of how they see their pain. That they would turn pain into purpose, that they would turn their grief into gratitude, that they would turn their heartbreak into healing, God, because you heal the broken hearts. And so we thank you in advance for healing, we thank you in advance for victory. Because of what you did on the cross two thousand years ago, victory is ours. It's in Jesus' name we pray. And all would say, Amen.